Last Night I Beat Up A Bridegroom
Last night was Happy Bunny's Bachelorette. I can't really blog about that since bachelorette parties require a sacred vow of lifelong silence. So I will just tell you the vital info you need to understand this story: 1. We went to the Biermarket. 2. I drank half a huge bottle of wild vines directly prior. 3. I wore my hair in a helicopter-style top-of-the-head ponytail that I only remembered AFTER drawing this picture. But for some reason that I prefer not to analyze, people were really into documenting that ponytail. 4. There was a Bachelor Party also at Biermarket with a whole bunch of really tall, really drunk, really happy guys. 5. I dance crazy on totally sober days just standing and waiting for a streetlight. 6. The theme of our bridal party is: "...And Then The Bridesmaids Danced!"
The Groom of the Bachelor Party of tall guys (hereafter known as 'Groomie') was dancing super crazy. Between him and I (and Andrea), we cleared a huge area on a packed floor since people were into not losing an eye. He was joking around a lot, spinning and twirling everyone and having a generally awesome time. I would like to re-iterate that Groomie was SUPER HAPPY.
And then he tried to do that thing where you back it up and bump your butt into someone elses.
And he picked me.
And I have hips. I am, after all, a Farquharson.
So it was cool. It was all friendly and bumping and laughing.
And then I put my hips into it. Apparently I have hips that can knock you flat because that's what happened.
I bumped and he went flying. Groomie was holding a pint of Hoegarden and from what I can tell, he smashed the glass into the floor so that the entire top of it broke off leaving huge jagged razors of glass which he then smashed his face into. I turned around to see why he stopped bumping and found him sprawled on the floor, clutching his hand to his face, with blood EVERYWHERE.
I think inwardly I was like "&$%#. Why do I even try?" as Groomie's henchmen hauled their buddy to his feet and into the bathroom. Happy Bunny told me that she saw a guy with blood everywhere being escorted out of the bar shortly after that. So presumably he went.... to the hospital.
I just hope his wedding wasn't today. Because some bride out there is gonna be PISSED.