Every morning I come down and find a huge spider web draped across my bike. Normally, in the rest of my life, I would just quietly walk away and take the TTC, but NO. THIS IS MY BIKE AND I WILL DEFEND IT. I cautiously approach and, with a stick from the lawn, furiously attack the air around my bike like a fencing champion. I can tell this is the Charlotte of Bike Spiders since this spider is so prolific in her web-making skills. She has usually gone from floor to ceiling, around both bicycles, and through and under many of the spokes.
When I have cleared enough that I can unlock my U-Lock, I use it to whack my bike repeatedly in the understanding that spiders hate vibrations and probably she will leave if I make it feel like a spider earthquake is happening.
So then I hop on and make my way to work, with the suspicion at all times that maybe the spider is still around and is about to pop out from somewhere and crawl onto me.
I always feel somehow like I will look down and the spider will be riding like a figurehead in front of me... hanging on tightly as I pedal into the wind.
It hasn't happened. But it could.
And that will be the day that I fall over the Roncesvalles Bridge and onto the Gardiner Expressway. For sure.