I am moving to Hamilton in 3 weeks to make a home with Jay. Happy Bunny is moving to California for the summer to be with Mr. Happy Bunny. My name twin and past roommate Amanda is moving to Philadelphia. It feels like everyone is moving right now.
I am beyond excited to move. Make a home with Jay? Have the two cutest kitties ever and maybe add a dog? Have spending money? Join the loveliest and most supportive arts community I have ever heard of? Space for a studio? A kitchen with more than one square foot of counter space? I want to come home and tell him all my stories, make dinners together, walk our dog together, and read together.
Unfortunately I am in that month BEFORE all that magic happens where I pack up everything I own and say my goodbye to a city that I love. I know that I am still going to be here all the time, but it will be different and I am struggling a bit with that. This apartment was the first and only space I have ever had that was truly my own. Almost my entire family lives in Toronto and I've built up the sweetest and strongest group of friends here. I am also used to having immediate access to them.
It feels like I am perched on the precipice of change and it's terrifying. But I also know that all the amazing parts of life come from moving forward. Even more, if I try to stay still and hold on to what I have now, other people would move on without me. My family is aging and my friends are, too. They want to buy property, and that means moving out of Toronto in most cases. They are starting to have kids. They are launching new business ventures, travelling, taking huge strides in their careers. You know what? I WANT THOSE THINGS, TOO.
I am going to miss Allison and Robin something fierce. I feel like they are so much more than neighbours and friends. They've made this apartment something more than words can ever express. My largest worry about living alone was that I would become isolated, but having two introverted, hilarious, crazy-smart and multi-talented friends who have never once made me feel unwelcome when I burst into their apartment brandishing stories/half-finished crafts/laundry/baked goods Kramer-style has been the best, most comforting apartment situation I could ever hope for. I know that I will be friends with them for life. It will be hard to get used to not having instant access for tea or brunch, but maybe that can be replaced with travels together, weekend sleepovers, and stream-of-consciousness emails. Allison and I haven't had a good cry about me moving yet, but I know it's coming. And that's okay. (Oh look... I just got the crying process started...)
As per usual, I am feeling about a thousand emotions. Change. Is. Good.