Here we are, three weeks postpartum. Today was my first full day at home with Molly and the animals without Jay. If you asked me a week ago about Jay going back to work, I probably would have started sobbing but this week I felt finally ready. And it went okay! We cuddled lots, Molly didn't sleep the entire day (so no naps for me!) but we got outside twice to play with Finnegan and we listened to some oldies and we changed her outfit twice because Molly likes to pee while I am holding her legs up for a diaper change and I read romance novels on my e-reader while feeding her and pretended I felt somewhat like a real person. Jay came home early and I took Finn for a walk in the sunshine and then I really did feel like my old self!
I have been taking weekly photos of Molly on the couch. When I put them together just now I felt like I can finally see why my mom keeps saying she is changing so fast! Woah! She is definitely more awake and her face is filling out.
I feel like postpartum threw me for a loop. I technically understood all the things that would happen (not sleeping, soreness, breast feeding, hormones, etc) but I don't think I ever put them all together and realized I would be experiencing all of those things AT THE SAME TIME. Which seems dumb, in retrospect. It's like... sure you can get through not sleeping, but now add in being too sore to get out of bed and get to the bathroom, and crying every time you breastfeed, and actually just crying all the time about ANYTHING that happens.
The last straw was that Finn was so upset about the changes that he started throwing up the day we got home and I just couldn't handle him being sick on top of everything else... I was just so worried about him! Thankfully he was feeling way better the next day and Jay has been making sure he gets lots of attention (I am usually less available for the animals because I seem to be nonstop feeding Molly).
Breastfeeding was really important to me, and Molly was born with a severe tongue tie and lip tie, so while we waited for her appointment to have those corrected I struggled a LOT with feeding her. It just got more and more painful until I was bleeding and also crying every time I fed her or every time I tried to say the word "breastfeeding". With the approval of our midwife, I finally ended up just pumping and bottle feeding her until we could get the tongue tie fixed. Things have improved SO much since then and I feel like we are on the right track now. I'm glad that I didn't give up, but it was a rough time for sure. I felt like instead of us having this lovely bonding experience that I wanted, I was dreading her getting hungry again and then crying while I fed her.
Now that her tongue tie correction has healed, I can enjoy that time! So that's a huge change from last week.
We've been trying to get out of the house when we can. My mom has been coming often and she took me and Molly to Fortinos to practice grocery shopping on my own with a baby. Jay and I also went antique shopping and to the mall... just little trips to prevent ourselves from being stir-crazy. I am trying to be brave about getting out on my own with her, but it feels super overwhelming! One step at a time, I guess, like everything!
I hope you are all doing well! And that you are cool with lots of baby related blog posts. Ha.