Some days I think about how I am portraying my life to Molly. She is too little to understand much yet, but I want so many things for her, and one of those things is to see how our attitude towards life changes EVERYTHING about it. Some days I look at my own mom and am just so ridiculously fricking impressed and also so overwhelmed because her shoes are so so hard to fill.
When I look back on my childhood, my overwhelming memory is of a mom who let me know that being with me and Brenna was her absolute favourite thing and she made me think that being a mom was wonderful. And, guys, IT IS. It's also so hard. But I never want to make Molly feel like motherhood is a burden. Some days it feels like I am just holding on until bedtime, and some days are just going to be like that. But I want most of the days to feel like adventures. I want us to fall into bed too tired and happy and full to worry whether we are doing things right.
I have never been so confused about my feelings in my life as I am right now. Basically any topic you tell me about, I have strong and passionate opinions for both sides of it. Like... Do you want to be home all day with your baby? I absolutely do and absolutely do not. Do you want to get out for the night or stay in? I STRONGLY WANT BOTH. Do you want Molly to grow up faster or freeze time at this moment? Both. Both sides of everything. It's hard to make decisions when you just want it all and also want none of it.
You know what? It's okay. It's okay to want it all and nothing, it's okay to not know how you feel about things, it's okay to just make it through another day. We are all just trying our best.
Molly's awake.. time to go build many block towers for her to knock down.
And thanks for always reading my blogs... I like you all very much.