As most (all?) of you know, I am struggling. First, I just felt lots of self pity. Then, I assumed it was all kinds of terrible things. (For three measly sentences, let me tell you, that process took MONTHS.)
Then, I went to a psychologist. She asked me if there is anyone in my family with seasonal depression. I said "Well, me, maybe. I sometimes have to sit in a UV lamp in the winter."
One raised psychologist eyebrow (in case you haven't experienced it, that is the most intimidating kind of raised eyebrow there is).
Then, to fill the rest of the time, we chatted about some other things like giving birth and managing time and taking time for yourself. She told me I have a great sense of humour and good common sense and that makes for great mothers. So now I want to tell so many people that they have great common sense, because that actually felt like the best compliment EVER. Especially since I was feeling pretty dumb for not having S.A.D. even occur to me, even though I KNOW that I have had it before.
So now every morning and evening, I take my mug and my knitting and sit in the sunlight for 30 minutes, and take Vitamin D. It's been less than a week but already I am popping out of bed in the morning (something that felt completely impossible two weeks ago), smiling more and napping less.
I feel relieved. Although Seasonal Affective Disorder is not easy, it's at least something I am familiar with, and I know I am so lucky to have such a calming and stress free solution with no drug interventions. I am still not 100% but I have hope that I will improve quickly.
And now, it's almost Christmas! Since I might not post again before that, I would like to tell all of you now that I appreciate you so much! For everyone I know who reads this blog, for those of you I had never heard of who introduced yourselves to me on the street, who told me congratulations for having a baby or gave me quick hugs, who let Jay and Molly and I share their tables at the Burnt Tongue, to everyone this year who has emailed me advice, support and encouragement on everything from breastfeeding to knitting to hair loss to depression -- you have my gratitude, for letting me cry and helping me smile. When I think about you guys, my eyes sting with tears, in the best way.