I have a pretty clear vision of what I want my life with Jay to be like. Sometimes it seems so far away and sometimes I realize I basically have it all. Some parts of it are a constant struggle and some parts come as easy as flopping back onto your bed with a huge sigh.
I want our relationship to be strong. We are different but we are also uniquely suited to each other. I keep things fun and he makes sure we have a house to have fun in. But it's more than that. I want us to grow together. So that when our kids have grown and gone, we still want to go out every day and have fun and adventures. When we are sixty, I still want to be bursting to tell him all about my day when we sit down for dinner.
I want our kids (assuming we might one day have another) to be happy. I want to make french braids in their hair, and have them have their friends over all the time. I want to show them how great it is to learn things and when Jason or I can't teach them, we will learn with them. We can show them how to knit, grow tomatoes, fix computers, and change the oil in the car. I want our friends to feel as close to our kids as we do, and vice versa. I want them to feel like our house isn't precious, but is just itching to be made into a huge blanket fort.
I want our house to feel like a home to everyone we know. I want people to stop by. I want kids who are so used to falling asleep to the sound of a kitchen full of laughing adults that's it's no big deal when it happens. I want our house to be the destination for every single one of our friends and relations who feels like taking a Sunday drive. I want a bunch of animals roaming around and baked goods ready to feed whoever pops by. I want a whole cupboard of board games and the people to play them.
I want to make things. I want Jason and Molly to make things. I want to wear the colours that make me happy, not only the colours that look good on me. I want to radiate happiness and make other people happy, too. I want to stand up for the things I believe in and teach our kids to do the same. I want to sing if I feel like it, dance if I feel like it, read if I feel like it. I want our walls covered in the art of the artists I love. I want to be open to changes. I want to laugh in the face of the chaos that is life and feel real empathy for the people around me.
I was thinking this morning that sometimes you just have to put your dreams out there and maybe that will help them to grow.
If you've been thinking you wanted to stop by and you haven't, maybe you should! I will have baked goods and board games ready and waiting for you.